Happy Father's Day to my biggest supporter.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Father's Day Post
This is how I see my father's support of me and this is the support I want to offer my own kids.
Friday, June 8, 2012
Wanna Impress me? ...Change the world
I recently had the honor of being chosen to give the commencement speech for the Parish Episcopal School class of 2012. Below you will find the video of the speech followed by the text (so you can see how many mistakes I made :().
In the text I have included links to some things you may find intertesting.
Let me know what you think.
Thank you, Henri. That was very sweet. You know Henri is the only student I’ve ever had that can turn science essays into works of art --complete with literary allusions and plot twists all while making the relevant scientific points…He’s quite talented. Thanks again Henri.
Before I begin, I would like to thank the board of trustees, the administration and staff, my colleagues, and all of you for supporting this school and this wonderful group of young women and men that we are here to honor today.
(To kids) I was a little surprised you asked me to speak to you one more time…(to crowd) You see… they’ve already spent hours listening to my lectures over the last couple of years… in biology and psychology, on the senior retreat, in chapel, and for some on the soccer field. This year I even found a way to lecture at home on YouTube. Maybe that is it? Maybe they figured I’d just put the speech on YouTube so they could watch it later and get to the parties sooner.
Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you.
I feel a strong bond with many members of this graduating class. It is a bond forged from a shared experience of challenging each other. I did my best to push them out of their comfort zone every day - and they definitely challenged me.
I don’t mean to say they were disrespectful or difficult to work with, quite the opposite… they were a joy to work with. Rather they challenged me each day to be a better teacher.
Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “The difference between talent and genius is talent says things which he has heard but once and genius things which he has never heard.”
Knowing genius was not likely… I looked for a source of inspiration to help me at least get close to talent: …Facebook.
I made a post soliciting the best piece of advice anyone had received upon graduating high school. I also asked if anyone had any advice to help me to write a memorable, inspirational speech.
What I got back were some fairly predictable responses about how to live your life and handle the future, as well as other good suggestions for my speech…none of which I am likely to heed.
A former colleague, from Atlanta, suggested that you would all most appreciate that I begin my address with, “Let me be brief….”
Well… y’all know me better than that.
Oddly enough… I’m not here today to celebrate the fact that you are graduating. You should graduate. 3 million other kids around the country are… and you’ve been afforded just about every advantage imaginable – in a school environment that supported you each step along the way. So just graduating – it’s not that impressive. It is what you do from here that counts… and I challenge you to do something… and to be someone… truly remarkable.
For most of you (I guess all of you), the next step is college…but why?
Is it to get a degree, so you can get a job, so you can make a decent living?
Some would argue that you don’t even need college…
You could question whether many of the classes you take in college will prepare you any better than what you might learn on the job. Some of you could perform the jobs you are going to have with the education you’ve already received. But today’s world demands at least a college degree just to get hired--- for most of the jobs you’ll want. So… you’ll go…
But I challenge you to think about how you will spend your time and energy while you’re there.
Peter Thiel, the co-founder of PayPal and early investor in Facebook, was on 60 minutes last week suggesting the benefits of college did not justify the expense and debt incurred. He goes as far as paying select kids $100,000 to NOT go to college. Now, I think there are some serious holes in Mr. Thiel’s arguments, but he makes good points about the rising cost of an education. I want you to go to college – but I also I want you to get your money’s worth.
I greatly benefited from my time at the best University in this country. That said I am certain I could’ve gotten more value from my experience. If I could go back, and do it again, with the benefit of what I know now… I would learn more AND have more fun. I would skip more parties, and I might skip more lectures. I don’t know if I would earn better grades, but I know I would use those four years to pursue every intellectual passion I had. I would be involved with a movement, I would design an experiment, I would start a foundation, I would try to ask questions that had never been asked before and then dig until I had an answer. And that is one thing I am challenging you to do. Maximize your learning opportunities by taking risks - not being passive.
But why go to college? Information is not a commodity held locked away in the ivory towers of universities. Information is available and free. If you are motivated and resourceful enough you can find, with a few keystrokes and mouse clicks most all the information you need, - at your disposal -- on demand.
That doesn’t mean you cannot, or will not learn a great deal in your college courses and from your professors. But, you no longer have to go to college to have access to that information. So you cannot see that as the goal.
I recently watched a TED talk where a technologist compared information to food and it got me thinking – If information were food would you wait around for some to suggest you eat? If information were food would you be satisfied with letting someone else determine when, where, what, and how much you would eat? I’m guessing you would want some say in the menu. If information were food could we discern a healthy diet from junk food? And most importantly, would you know how to cook?
My point is you can’t wait around for information. You must go get it. You must know how to discern good information from bad. And once you have it you need to work with it to understand and create something new.
Don’t spend the next four years just attending passive lectures, taking tests as summative assessments, and churning out papers. We know you can do that. We challenge you to do more.
Simply accumulating information is not an education! I know a ton of useless trivia, which may make me the life of most parties, but does not make me an educated man.
So again I ask: Why go to college?
Some may argue that going to college plays a huge role in your social development and maturity. A rite of passage that allows you to grow up... just not too quickly. It is a rest stop before heading into the real world. People will tell you to “enjoy every minute of this time in your life as you will never again have this unique combination of freedom and relative lack of responsibility. It will be the most fun four years of your life!”
Don’t get me wrong. I want you to enjoy the next few years, but I suggest that your true and lasting enjoyment, comes not from partying but from the pursuit of your passions and knowing you have the potential to make an impact.
If you’re going to college to receive a piece of paper that says you are now qualified to hold some job, and to have some time to grow up while having a good time, then you are grossly missing the point.
You see… research on happiness suggests that people are most happy when they are engaged in meaningful tasks. Heed the words of Nancy Mochel who said, “The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what we want most, for what we want now.”
I am challenging you today to be an active participant in your own education, enjoy it now… it will put you on the path to what you want most.
Actively seek out understandings, pursue interests, design or create something new, engage in something meaningful. Attack every day at college on a mission to improve. Reject passivity. Be relentless in your pursuits. That’s how you’ll maximize your college experience.
What is most exciting about what lies ahead is the endless possibility - the freedom, opportunity, and potential to make meaningful connections and real discoveries.
Which brings me to my next point.
When you listen to college commencement speeches the message is often for the young graduates to “go change the world.” I would argue that charge is given four years too late. After college “life” gets in the way of changing the world. After college you have bills, responsibilities, etc. When do you have time to change the world?
But in college….
In college you are relatively unburdened. You still have your idealistic ignorance…your childhood curiosity -- your natural love of learning ---use them. Change the world now - when you have the time, freedom and intellectual capital. When you have access to resources, guidance and mentoring from professors and thousands of energetic young people on campus who may agree to get on board with your crazy idea. College is the time to at least plant the seeds for change. – In fact, this time may be the most fertile intellectual soil you ever occupy. Do not wait!
When you think about who has changed the world, who do you think of? I think of young people.
Like the group of students from The University of Georgia who helped Darius Weems’ dreams come true. We watched their story “Darius Goes West” on the senior retreat. These young college men who, on the surface, had very little in common with, a poor teenager with muscular dystrophy – decided on their own accord to take Darius on a life changing trip across the country. Along the way they recognized and capitalized on their potential to raise awareness for handicap accessibility and to raise money for Muscular Dystrophy research.
I think of Eben Bayer and Gavin McIntyre who, as students at Rensselaer University, developed a method of using fungus mycelium to self -assemble into a completely organic, non-polluting, packaging material with the same functionality as Styrofoam-- with a production process that has zero carbon emissions. That means they created a replacement for Styrofoam that’s actually GOOD for the environment.
You know who also impresses me? Duke football’s offensive line. Yeah, I know. I’m not sure the most sacked quarterback in the nation last year is as impressed*, but this spring that offensive line went Ethiopia to dig wells - by hand - so villagers no longer have to travel miles every day for fresh water. (*note - this was a joke and I made it up this factoid)
Tavi Gevison impresses me – she’s a fifteen year old who started her own online magazine called “Rookie” for teenage girls so they could find and discuss strong female role models, putting a new face on modern feminism.
And Taylor Wilson a 17 year old nuclear physicist who at age 14 built a nuclear fusion reactor in his garage. He has since developed a more sensitive radiation detector that replaces the detectors used by homeland security-- and he built them in his garage for hundreds of dollars rather than hundreds of thousands of dollars.
I am telling you all this to show you what you already know. Young people can change the world. I would suggest young people must change the world.
When did Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Mark Zukerberg to begin their pursuits that changed the world ? They certainly didn’t wait until after graduation. The may not have had time to conceive of Microsoft,…Apple… or Facebook if they had jobs and responsibilities weighing on them.
Mark Zukerberg probably did not set out to change the world as he wrote a program that allowed students to connect; and the world may not be enriched just because I can instantly update my status - …. (“ @ Meyerson Giving Parish Commencement Address - YOLO”).
While I am certain my status update won’t change the course of history, the global connectivity Facebook inspired has absolutely changed the world. Waleed Rashed, the co-founder of the Egypt’s April 6 Movement came to visit us recently in Chapel, and spoke of the power of Facebook and Twitter as organizational, rallying, and communications tools …Tools so powerful, that with it, Egyptians changed the course of history for their country, the rest of North Africa… and the world. He urged you to “Demand the impossible” He said you all “have a revolution inside of you” and you should “Share it.”
That doesn’t have to mean you have to bring down a dictator or invent the next global computing platform, but you need to think about how you can change your world, impact your community. Use your talents to make a difference.
Never before has it been this easy to impact the world. It doesn’t take money…or political standing. It takes an idea…and the passion to move that idea forward.
But… are there any great ideas left?
I heard on a podcast recently, the assertion that true innovation has died --- all we are seeing now is the, redefining, redesigning, and speeding up of existing technology. Charles Duell the commissioner of the patent office was quoted, saying, “Everything that can be invented has already been invented.” The year was 1899. He clearly had never considered the Pajama Jeans.
So -- Have all of the good ideas already been discovered? I certainly don’t think so. I would argue that we are only limited in what you can imagine. And that we are counting on you to imagine big.
In class, on the stage, in the community, and on the field I hope we have challenged you to be imaginative…to do more than you thought you could… and since today is my last opportunity to do so, I’m going to challenge some more.
I challenge you… to ignore the naysayers. Let them doubt you… and then let them watch as you prove them wrong. There is a Chinese proverb that says, "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it.”
If you do fail, and you will…then I challenge you to be resilient. If you get knocked down 99 times, people need to know that you are going to get up for number 100. As Mary Pickford said, “this thing called failure in not the falling down, but staying down.”
I challenge you to be embrace and value differences … To see that people don’t have to fit in, in order to belong.
I challenge you to be healthy. Make good decisions regarding your indulgences, exercise regularly, eat well and sleep soundly – that’s when you dream.
I challenge you to fight the good fight –for what you believe in and for those who can’t fight for themselves. Thomas Jefferson said, “In matters of style, swim with the current. In matters of principle, stand like a rock.” So even if you lose, you’ll do so with you honor intact.
From our talk earlier this year, I challenge you to choose the pain of discipline over the pain of regret. Remembering the pain of discipline only last while we are in the midst of the task, but the pain of regret can last a lifetime.
I challenge you to be humble. Recognize that you don’t know everything (though it may seem like it now)…you may not even be aware of what you don’t know. Einstein said "Always listen to people to say they are searching for truth, never those who say they have found it."
I challenge you to take it personally. Your work must matter to you.
I challenge you to be compassionate and forgiving. Because God knows you would want others to be compassionate and forgiving to you.
I challenge you to consider “whatever” …. as in “WHATEVER it takes to live up to the standards you family has instilled in you…As in Whatever your individual talents allow you to do to embody the tenets of Wisdom, Honor, and Service that your school has encouraged in you.
(Pause)
I started out my address by saying I wasn’t impressed by your accomplishment of graduating high school, but that doesn’t mean you haven’t impressed me during your time here. How can I not be impressed by:
A student who accumulated 710 hours of community service mentoring youth, teaching leadership with his work at Project Transformation and the National Hispanic Institute.
Or a student who developed and implemented a math enrichment program for middle school girls to get them excited about and willing to take a leadership roles in mathematics.
Or a student who had two original films screened at local film festivals.
I stand in awe of the astounding professional dramatic and musical performances you have produced, and the budding robotics program you’ve pioneered.
I am impressed by a student … who, to honor his father, at the age of 9 took on a leadership role with the non-profit - Links Fore Leukemia, and personally helped raise over $100,000 dollars for Leukemia research.
And I know that it is through hard work, that one can not only bench press 475lbs, but can also lift a 3.7 GPA, and compete in the Ivy League next year.
And these are just a few examples of the greatness this class has demonstrated. So yes…I’ve been impressed.
Now, I challenge you… impress me again.
Class of 2012, I am proud of you, I know you are ready, I wish you all the best.
Now “go change your world.”
Thank you.
Thank you, Henri. That was very sweet. You know Henri is the only student I’ve ever had that can turn science essays into works of art --complete with literary allusions and plot twists all while making the relevant scientific points…He’s quite talented. Thanks again Henri.
Before I begin, I would like to thank the board of trustees, the administration and staff, my colleagues, and all of you for supporting this school and this wonderful group of young women and men that we are here to honor today.
(To kids) I was a little surprised you asked me to speak to you one more time…(to crowd) You see… they’ve already spent hours listening to my lectures over the last couple of years… in biology and psychology, on the senior retreat, in chapel, and for some on the soccer field. This year I even found a way to lecture at home on YouTube. Maybe that is it? Maybe they figured I’d just put the speech on YouTube so they could watch it later and get to the parties sooner.
Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you.
I feel a strong bond with many members of this graduating class. It is a bond forged from a shared experience of challenging each other. I did my best to push them out of their comfort zone every day - and they definitely challenged me.
I don’t mean to say they were disrespectful or difficult to work with, quite the opposite… they were a joy to work with. Rather they challenged me each day to be a better teacher.
Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “The difference between talent and genius is talent says things which he has heard but once and genius things which he has never heard.”
Knowing genius was not likely… I looked for a source of inspiration to help me at least get close to talent: …Facebook.
I made a post soliciting the best piece of advice anyone had received upon graduating high school. I also asked if anyone had any advice to help me to write a memorable, inspirational speech.
What I got back were some fairly predictable responses about how to live your life and handle the future, as well as other good suggestions for my speech…none of which I am likely to heed.
A former colleague, from Atlanta, suggested that you would all most appreciate that I begin my address with, “Let me be brief….”
Well… y’all know me better than that.
Oddly enough… I’m not here today to celebrate the fact that you are graduating. You should graduate. 3 million other kids around the country are… and you’ve been afforded just about every advantage imaginable – in a school environment that supported you each step along the way. So just graduating – it’s not that impressive. It is what you do from here that counts… and I challenge you to do something… and to be someone… truly remarkable.
For most of you (I guess all of you), the next step is college…but why?
Is it to get a degree, so you can get a job, so you can make a decent living?
Some would argue that you don’t even need college…
You could question whether many of the classes you take in college will prepare you any better than what you might learn on the job. Some of you could perform the jobs you are going to have with the education you’ve already received. But today’s world demands at least a college degree just to get hired--- for most of the jobs you’ll want. So… you’ll go…
But I challenge you to think about how you will spend your time and energy while you’re there.
Peter Thiel, the co-founder of PayPal and early investor in Facebook, was on 60 minutes last week suggesting the benefits of college did not justify the expense and debt incurred. He goes as far as paying select kids $100,000 to NOT go to college. Now, I think there are some serious holes in Mr. Thiel’s arguments, but he makes good points about the rising cost of an education. I want you to go to college – but I also I want you to get your money’s worth.
I greatly benefited from my time at the best University in this country. That said I am certain I could’ve gotten more value from my experience. If I could go back, and do it again, with the benefit of what I know now… I would learn more AND have more fun. I would skip more parties, and I might skip more lectures. I don’t know if I would earn better grades, but I know I would use those four years to pursue every intellectual passion I had. I would be involved with a movement, I would design an experiment, I would start a foundation, I would try to ask questions that had never been asked before and then dig until I had an answer. And that is one thing I am challenging you to do. Maximize your learning opportunities by taking risks - not being passive.
But why go to college? Information is not a commodity held locked away in the ivory towers of universities. Information is available and free. If you are motivated and resourceful enough you can find, with a few keystrokes and mouse clicks most all the information you need, - at your disposal -- on demand.
That doesn’t mean you cannot, or will not learn a great deal in your college courses and from your professors. But, you no longer have to go to college to have access to that information. So you cannot see that as the goal.
I recently watched a TED talk where a technologist compared information to food and it got me thinking – If information were food would you wait around for some to suggest you eat? If information were food would you be satisfied with letting someone else determine when, where, what, and how much you would eat? I’m guessing you would want some say in the menu. If information were food could we discern a healthy diet from junk food? And most importantly, would you know how to cook?
My point is you can’t wait around for information. You must go get it. You must know how to discern good information from bad. And once you have it you need to work with it to understand and create something new.
Don’t spend the next four years just attending passive lectures, taking tests as summative assessments, and churning out papers. We know you can do that. We challenge you to do more.
Simply accumulating information is not an education! I know a ton of useless trivia, which may make me the life of most parties, but does not make me an educated man.
So again I ask: Why go to college?
Some may argue that going to college plays a huge role in your social development and maturity. A rite of passage that allows you to grow up... just not too quickly. It is a rest stop before heading into the real world. People will tell you to “enjoy every minute of this time in your life as you will never again have this unique combination of freedom and relative lack of responsibility. It will be the most fun four years of your life!”
Don’t get me wrong. I want you to enjoy the next few years, but I suggest that your true and lasting enjoyment, comes not from partying but from the pursuit of your passions and knowing you have the potential to make an impact.
If you’re going to college to receive a piece of paper that says you are now qualified to hold some job, and to have some time to grow up while having a good time, then you are grossly missing the point.
You see… research on happiness suggests that people are most happy when they are engaged in meaningful tasks. Heed the words of Nancy Mochel who said, “The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what we want most, for what we want now.”
I am challenging you today to be an active participant in your own education, enjoy it now… it will put you on the path to what you want most.
Actively seek out understandings, pursue interests, design or create something new, engage in something meaningful. Attack every day at college on a mission to improve. Reject passivity. Be relentless in your pursuits. That’s how you’ll maximize your college experience.
What is most exciting about what lies ahead is the endless possibility - the freedom, opportunity, and potential to make meaningful connections and real discoveries.
Which brings me to my next point.
When you listen to college commencement speeches the message is often for the young graduates to “go change the world.” I would argue that charge is given four years too late. After college “life” gets in the way of changing the world. After college you have bills, responsibilities, etc. When do you have time to change the world?
But in college….
In college you are relatively unburdened. You still have your idealistic ignorance…your childhood curiosity -- your natural love of learning ---use them. Change the world now - when you have the time, freedom and intellectual capital. When you have access to resources, guidance and mentoring from professors and thousands of energetic young people on campus who may agree to get on board with your crazy idea. College is the time to at least plant the seeds for change. – In fact, this time may be the most fertile intellectual soil you ever occupy. Do not wait!
When you think about who has changed the world, who do you think of? I think of young people.
Like the group of students from The University of Georgia who helped Darius Weems’ dreams come true. We watched their story “Darius Goes West” on the senior retreat. These young college men who, on the surface, had very little in common with, a poor teenager with muscular dystrophy – decided on their own accord to take Darius on a life changing trip across the country. Along the way they recognized and capitalized on their potential to raise awareness for handicap accessibility and to raise money for Muscular Dystrophy research.
I think of Eben Bayer and Gavin McIntyre who, as students at Rensselaer University, developed a method of using fungus mycelium to self -assemble into a completely organic, non-polluting, packaging material with the same functionality as Styrofoam-- with a production process that has zero carbon emissions. That means they created a replacement for Styrofoam that’s actually GOOD for the environment.
You know who also impresses me? Duke football’s offensive line. Yeah, I know. I’m not sure the most sacked quarterback in the nation last year is as impressed*, but this spring that offensive line went Ethiopia to dig wells - by hand - so villagers no longer have to travel miles every day for fresh water. (*note - this was a joke and I made it up this factoid)
Tavi Gevison impresses me – she’s a fifteen year old who started her own online magazine called “Rookie” for teenage girls so they could find and discuss strong female role models, putting a new face on modern feminism.
And Taylor Wilson a 17 year old nuclear physicist who at age 14 built a nuclear fusion reactor in his garage. He has since developed a more sensitive radiation detector that replaces the detectors used by homeland security-- and he built them in his garage for hundreds of dollars rather than hundreds of thousands of dollars.
I am telling you all this to show you what you already know. Young people can change the world. I would suggest young people must change the world.
When did Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Mark Zukerberg to begin their pursuits that changed the world ? They certainly didn’t wait until after graduation. The may not have had time to conceive of Microsoft,…Apple… or Facebook if they had jobs and responsibilities weighing on them.
Mark Zukerberg probably did not set out to change the world as he wrote a program that allowed students to connect; and the world may not be enriched just because I can instantly update my status - …. (“ @ Meyerson Giving Parish Commencement Address - YOLO”).
While I am certain my status update won’t change the course of history, the global connectivity Facebook inspired has absolutely changed the world. Waleed Rashed, the co-founder of the Egypt’s April 6 Movement came to visit us recently in Chapel, and spoke of the power of Facebook and Twitter as organizational, rallying, and communications tools …Tools so powerful, that with it, Egyptians changed the course of history for their country, the rest of North Africa… and the world. He urged you to “Demand the impossible” He said you all “have a revolution inside of you” and you should “Share it.”
That doesn’t have to mean you have to bring down a dictator or invent the next global computing platform, but you need to think about how you can change your world, impact your community. Use your talents to make a difference.
Never before has it been this easy to impact the world. It doesn’t take money…or political standing. It takes an idea…and the passion to move that idea forward.
But… are there any great ideas left?
I heard on a podcast recently, the assertion that true innovation has died --- all we are seeing now is the, redefining, redesigning, and speeding up of existing technology. Charles Duell the commissioner of the patent office was quoted, saying, “Everything that can be invented has already been invented.” The year was 1899. He clearly had never considered the Pajama Jeans.
So -- Have all of the good ideas already been discovered? I certainly don’t think so. I would argue that we are only limited in what you can imagine. And that we are counting on you to imagine big.
In class, on the stage, in the community, and on the field I hope we have challenged you to be imaginative…to do more than you thought you could… and since today is my last opportunity to do so, I’m going to challenge some more.
I challenge you… to ignore the naysayers. Let them doubt you… and then let them watch as you prove them wrong. There is a Chinese proverb that says, "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it.”
If you do fail, and you will…then I challenge you to be resilient. If you get knocked down 99 times, people need to know that you are going to get up for number 100. As Mary Pickford said, “this thing called failure in not the falling down, but staying down.”
I challenge you to be embrace and value differences … To see that people don’t have to fit in, in order to belong.
I challenge you to be healthy. Make good decisions regarding your indulgences, exercise regularly, eat well and sleep soundly – that’s when you dream.
I challenge you to fight the good fight –for what you believe in and for those who can’t fight for themselves. Thomas Jefferson said, “In matters of style, swim with the current. In matters of principle, stand like a rock.” So even if you lose, you’ll do so with you honor intact.
From our talk earlier this year, I challenge you to choose the pain of discipline over the pain of regret. Remembering the pain of discipline only last while we are in the midst of the task, but the pain of regret can last a lifetime.
I challenge you to be humble. Recognize that you don’t know everything (though it may seem like it now)…you may not even be aware of what you don’t know. Einstein said "Always listen to people to say they are searching for truth, never those who say they have found it."
I challenge you to take it personally. Your work must matter to you.
I challenge you to be compassionate and forgiving. Because God knows you would want others to be compassionate and forgiving to you.
I challenge you to consider “whatever” …. as in “WHATEVER it takes to live up to the standards you family has instilled in you…As in Whatever your individual talents allow you to do to embody the tenets of Wisdom, Honor, and Service that your school has encouraged in you.
(Pause)
I started out my address by saying I wasn’t impressed by your accomplishment of graduating high school, but that doesn’t mean you haven’t impressed me during your time here. How can I not be impressed by:
A student who accumulated 710 hours of community service mentoring youth, teaching leadership with his work at Project Transformation and the National Hispanic Institute.
Or a student who developed and implemented a math enrichment program for middle school girls to get them excited about and willing to take a leadership roles in mathematics.
Or a student who had two original films screened at local film festivals.
I stand in awe of the astounding professional dramatic and musical performances you have produced, and the budding robotics program you’ve pioneered.
I am impressed by a student … who, to honor his father, at the age of 9 took on a leadership role with the non-profit - Links Fore Leukemia, and personally helped raise over $100,000 dollars for Leukemia research.
And I know that it is through hard work, that one can not only bench press 475lbs, but can also lift a 3.7 GPA, and compete in the Ivy League next year.
And these are just a few examples of the greatness this class has demonstrated. So yes…I’ve been impressed.
Now, I challenge you… impress me again.
Class of 2012, I am proud of you, I know you are ready, I wish you all the best.
Now “go change your world.”
Thank you.
Friday, August 26, 2011
The Pain of Discipline vs The Pain of Regret
This morning I gave the homily at the school where I teach (Parish Epsicopal School). I spoke about the inevitability of pain in our lives. However, it is a pain we get to choose. Watch the video below to hear and see a version of my talk. Let me know what you think.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Paddling up the "River" at Winstar - Part 1 of 5
I am not a professional poker player. I am a random poker enthusiast who tries to grind out a profit engaging in my hobby.
This trip report will be much shorter than my WSOP adventure, but its genesis came from a conversation I had in Las Vegas. One day at a table during the main event, I engaged in a conversation with another player from Dallas. The conversation turned to the “River” tournament held at the Winstar casino, in Thackerville, Oklahoma (this is the nearest casino to my home). I asked him his impression of the tournament - he had played the year prior. He said I should definitely give it a shot. How many opportunities would I get to play in a live 2.5 million guarantee poker tournament that was within driving distance to my home?
I had seen advertisements for the tournament around the DFW area, but hadn’t really thought about playing in it for several reasons. 1. Before the World Series, I had never bought into a major live tournament, 2. I heard the structure was terrible, and 3. It occurs at a bad time of the year for me (right at the beginning of the school year). My new friend told me I should really try to get there because even with the structure not being very player friendly, the tournament was a great value due to the larger number of relatively inexperienced players who satellite in.
When I returned home from 10 days in Las Vegas, I was exhausted. I was enjoying the last of my time off with my family before school started back up. I was poker’ed out. But as the echoes of riffling chips finally began to subside. I started to get the itch to play. I jumped online and did my daily SNG grind. Immediately the poker gods exacted a bit of comeuppence, putting me back in my place. I proceeded to have my all-time worst month’s results. At first I was playing well, but getting unlucky and taking some brutal beats. Then I started playing poorly. Like every good poker player, I blamed it on bad luck and the poor play of others – those donkeys never know when to fold. However, when I was honest with myself, I admitted I wasn’t playing well. I wasn’t focused, I was pressing, trying to make things happen, I was chasing draws thinking, “I’ve got the get there, this time. I’ve missed every other time this month.” I was playing bad poker and I knew it.
School was starting and my time was limited. I was stressed out. What I really wanted, was to have some real chips in my hand and to look across into the eyes of a real opponent. I was invited and went to a home game with a bunch of 20-something lawyers. However, playing 50 cent/ dollar cash in someone’s kitchen was not enough to sate my yearnings.
As I was driving home from that game, (un-justifiably late for the amount of money I had won) I saw the billboard for the Winstar “River” Tournament. I decided I couldn’t pass up the opportunity. I may not get the chance to play a big tournament until next year’s World Series. The “River” series includes 8 different tournaments with buy-ins ranging from $300 to the main event at $2100. School would be underway, so the only one I was even thinking about was the main event. I figured I could miss one day of work to pursue the dream once more. However, being the nit I am, (I found a way to disregard the bankroll I had earned the month prior), I looked into satelliting in.
I drove up two weekends in a row to play the $440 mega-satellite that puts the top 20% in the field. I thought, “I placed in the top 2% of the WSOP ME, how hard could it be to place in the top 20% of this tournament populated by mostly recreational players?” (side note: 5000 starting stacks and 20-min levels = Yuck) After lighting $880 dollars on fire, I was frustrated. With a week to go before the event, I didn’t have entry and wondered if I should buy-in for the full amount.
My confidence had taken a beating from my record online downswing and my failure to win a satellite. I thought about not playing. “If I couldn’t satellite in, I shouldn’t be playing” - was my mindset. Even with my take in WSOP, I was not comfortable plunking down $2100. Especially when it seemed I wasn’t on top of my game. Maybe I wasn’t as good as I thought. Maybe the World Series had been a fluke.
I looked to my wife for a nudge in the right direction and a boost in confidence. She said, “Go play. Quit your whining. Just buy your ticket, but don’t be pissy if it doesn’t go your way.”
Instead of calling the casino and buying my entry for full price, I went on 2+2 and craigslist to look for people who were selling their entry for a discount. I struck a deal with a local regular, who had won multiple satellites. I purchased, my $2100 entry for $1850. I was now in for $2730.
Winstar organized this tournament with 3 different starting days (Thursday- Saturday) limited to 500 people plus alternates. Each day they would play down to the top 10%, who would be in the money and return for play on Sunday. If you busted out on Thursday or Friday, you could re-enter on a later starting day. I opted for a Thursday start even though it would require me to miss a day of teaching. My daughter’s soccer team had a tournament scheduled for Friday and Saturday. I didn’t want to miss a game. So I took a “sick day” on Thursday. I actually headed up Wednesday night and stayed at the casino. It is only an hour and 20 minutes away, but I didn’t want to fight traffic and show up irritable or tired.
BTW the hotel at Winstar is brand new and very nice. I was able to get a discounted poker rate of only $49. Good deal.
So my second foray into big buy-in live poker tournaments ensues. I am no longer a naive rookie, but instead a season pro…..??? Hell, I had taken on the best the world had to offer in Las Vegas. I could handle the Texas/Oklahoma Indian Casino regulars. Right?
For parts 2-5 click here.
For parts 2-5 click here.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Water Under the Bridge - Post Reunion Blog
I started writing this blog as I sat on the plane traveling home from my 20th High School Reunion. I finished it 6 days later. If you read my previous blog entry, then you know I went to this event with a great deal of apprehension. The prospect of going home after twenty years and being thrown into a social situation with people with whom you first developed your social “self,” with whom you developed your life goals and dreams, with whom you shared all of the awkward and embarrassing moments of adolescence was terrifying. It brought to surface all of my insecurities and doubts. And then I wrote about them in a very public blog and asked people to read it. It was, in a way, a defense mechanism. Kind of like making fun of yourself before others can make fun of you. It was cathartic and disarming and apparently not so unique. The feedback I received both directly on the blog and later in person was overwhelming. It turns out I was not alone in the feelings I had.
I hoped that the weekend would provide some great epiphany, or that some outrageous events would ensue to give me fodder for a full recap, or at least for a semi-cogent bookend to the prior entry. But as I sit here in seat 5C, I don’t see them yet. I will say my brain is not working optimally at this moment as I am working on very little sleep and my liver is in a remotely familiar place trying to process out the alcohol which served its purpose as a social lubricant. I think the best approach is to start with a play by play and see if as I write and recollect anything compelling percolates to the surface. (Click here if you want to read that more detailed trip report – some funny stuff here)
Is the 20th high school reunion the great equalizer? Has enough water passed under the bridge? Have wounds healed? Have crushes faded? Have we toughen up enough? Have we softened up enough? Have friendships that were based on ‘real’ things stood the test of time? Have petty differences built on youthful ignorance faded away? Have we had enough life experience to understand what is truly important? After an extended highly scientific analysis I have determined that we can say with some confidence that for 97.43% of people the answer is YES.
Below you will find a few random insights that I ended up taking away from the weekend.
5th and 10th year reunions are about sizing other people up. It is still about me. How do I stack up? How do other people view me? Will people see me as successful? We still needed that external validation. But now, with 20 years under our belts, I felt we were more concerned to find out how other people were doing. We needed to know others were in a good place, happy and healthy. We no longer needed or were looking for validation, we know where we are without anyone telling us. We have made our mistakes, we have had our successes and we survived both. We have had our own children and we have moved from being young parents to being parents of teens and preteens who we are trying to guide through their insecurities, rather than being concerned with our own.
I will openly admit I was concerned with my appearance. I did put in the hours in the gym and I did get my hair cut (the little I have left) before the reunion. Maybe I haven’t out grown my vanity. I know I was not alone in wanting to see who had put on a few and we all sized up the spouses of our middle and high school crushes. But let’s all also admit that there were some late bloomers who turned some heads when they walked though the doors. We wanted to look good, but we didn’t need to be cool. Maybe our concern for appearance is more stress over aging than it is about fitting in and looking cool.
One thing I learned this weekend is that there is growing up and there is growing older. We have all grown older, except for Billy Coulter and Meredith Meadow both of whom must have made some deal with the Devil or have possession of some high tech time machine that allowed them to turn up at the reunion looking like they just walked out of graduation. We all have added a few pounds, wrinkles, and spouses. Many of us have lost hair, jobs, and … spouses. With every year gone we have gained life. We are accumulating experiences both good and bad that we build upon.
Growing up is different. I don’t think everyone grows up. I think we all know someone we wish would grow up and others that we are glad never seemed to. Keeping a young outlook, staying spontaneous and playful are all the good parts of not “growing up” or maybe I should call this staying young at heart. I feel that teaching has -- on some level -- allowed me to stay young (though my aching back, knees and shoulders would disagree). But refusing to take responsibility, living in the past and holding onto those youthfully ignorant perceptions, that is the bad kind of not growing up.
The other thing I was reminded of this weekend was that we don’t always know the affect we have on people. I had more than one conversation over the weekend in which someone recounted a story -- that I hardly remembered -- where something I had done or said had affected them in a fairly big way. To me at the time, it was no big deal (thus the vague memory). And I am sure that some of my big deal moments in life barely registered for people who greatly affected me. And while the recollections recounted to me this weekend were positive in nature, it makes me wonder about the times I hurt people and didn’t even know it. I am glad to know that a moment of courtesy or kindness over 20 years ago was remembered. I just hope that there were more of those moments than ones defined by callousness or insensitivity. The lesson I take away is to always be kind and never discount how the small things can affect those around us -- even when we are not aware.
I wish the weekend would have provided me with something more provocative, something more insightful. But from my personal experience, which is all I can confidently speak from, I will say that it was nice. It was not terrible. It was not scary (after the fact). I had some great conversations with some great people. It was wonderful to reconnect with old friends. I really had regretted that I had lost contact with a few of my very good friends.
I love my life in Dallas, Texas, but I could still see myself living back in Columbia. Could I go back home? Do we ever leave? I know I will always have a place where I belong there and part of me has never left. But home? Home is where my family is. Home is now a small corner in west Plano, and I am happy to be landing soon to the hugs of my wife and kids.
I wish I had a bit longer to visit, and I hope it will be less time before I return. To my fellow classmates, the Spring Valley Vikings Class of 1990, I wish only Love, Peace and Happiness. Cheers.
Three quick postscripts:
1. A big kudos to Kelley, Ferris and everyone else who helped plan and pull off the reunion. THANK YOU!
2. For a much more witty Post Reunion recaps visit the blogs of my very good friends The Other Kevin Ginsberg and Marty Simpson
3. Please feel free to comment below. I know that many of you are much better equipped than me to expound upon this weekend and what it meant.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
20 Years and Counting
Do we ever really grow up? Can we ever really go home? Or maybe the question is do we ever really outgrow our insecurities we encountered in our youth?
You may wonder what brought this up. Why am I asking these questions now? Well, at the end of this week I head home to Columbia, South Carolina for my 20th high school reunion. As the date gets closer I am feeling more and more anxious. All of the insecurities, all of the doubts, all of the confusion, all of the promise, all of the dreams I had as a teenager seem to be coming back to me in some weird non-drug induced flashback.
I will be seeing people I’ve known most of my life, but haven’t seen in 20 years. Old friends, old rivals, old flames, old teammates, people who long ago were too good for me, and people I could have been nicer to when I had a chance. Most of us came from modest means. Some had more than others, but when we were in the sand box at Windsor United Methodist Preschool and Windsor Elementary we knew very little of social differences and standing. We just played super heroes and took naps listening to the “Sound of Music” soundtrack. We played kickball, hated square dancing in PE and lived for field day. We had everything in front of us and our parents assured us we were destined for big things. We progressed through middle school (shout-out to the E.L. Wright Warriors) and started to develop our different talents and personalities. We all went through that awkward stage (some of us more awkward than others) and we realized that we all weren’t equal. Some stood out as smart, athletic, artistic, socially adept and others of us seemed to stay in the background. It was an interesting time to grow up, in a fairly sheltered and mundane part of the world.
The materialistic 80’s was the backdrop for our formative years. We were raised on MTV and John Hughes movies made it painfully clear that our lives were not nearly as cool as those rich kids in the Chicago suburbs. We believed in Reaganomics and Duran Duran. We went retro with Zeppelin and progressive with the Cure. We watched the shuttle explode and the Wall come down. We went from thinking our parents could do no wrong to being certain that our parents knew nothing and couldn’t possibly understand. Ours was a time when there seemed to be a lull in controversy. We were winners of the cold war as the Soviet Union embraced capitalism. We had no war to protest (except the war on drugs). The economy was growing. Computers became personal. It was the “me generation.”
And Columbia, South Carolina was a sleepy town, without much excitement. Carolina football and the State Fair, soccer leagues, and little league, weekends at the lake, vacations to Myrtle Beach, and homecoming floats were the highlights of each year. We knew there was a bigger world out there but we weren’t that interested in seeing it.
As we entered Spring Valley High School we knew we were going to close out a decade of decadence (thinly veiled musical reference) as the graduating class of 1990. And we were going to take over the world, or something along those lines. We were successful. We passed tests. We performed. We won championships - or came close (I do know the farther in the past it gets the better we were). An exciting night out was going to “Whiteroads” to park after a football game. We would listen to music, try to get up the nerve to talk to that girl. Some would drink beer. Others would smoke. I would… well… be the designated driver. At some point someone (usually of the redneck persuasion) would start a short-lived fight, the police might come and we would scramble. Ah, those were some memorable nights.
For a few years after we lived on our past accomplishments. We relived the glory days (musical reference) of our high school success. Then we realized that everyone else at college had similar stories. We weren’t overly special. We were fairly ordinary. But our parents and teachers had told us we were going to make a difference.
That realization begs the question: how? How are we going to stand out? What will we really accomplish? How will we make an impact on the world?
So what did we become? What were we supposed to become? Did we live up to our potential? Did we live up to expectations?
Notice how I keep using the pronoun “we” when I should be using “I.” I don’t presume to be speaking for anyone else. I am so intimately acquainted with these anxieties, that I find it hard to believe I’m alone. But these questions are mine alone to answer.
What did I become? What was I supposed to become? Did I live up to my potential? Did I live up to expectations?
Now it is twenty years later and what are we? What am I? I know how I saw myself in high school. I underachieved or rather, I fell short. Socially, I felt always on the fringe, through no one’s fault but my own. Academically, I was in the top group but not near the top of that group. Athletically, I fought and uphill battle against inferior genetics to gain a modest level of success (sorry Mom and Dad, but come on, look at what I was working with). And artistically, I had no real interest or talent (except poetry that in retrospect was pretty bad). But I had high hopes, high expectations, high standards, I was going to be….. something.
So what am I now, as I go back home? As I go back the place that so greatly influenced who I was and have become, I realize I am what I always was. A teacher, a coach, a father, a friend, who still has a long way to go. A boy, now a man that still has promise, that still has dreams, that certainly still has insecurities, but with a perspective that what we have accomplished is seen in the people around us that we affect.
I left South Carolina after graduating and it would be wrong to say that I never looked back, because I do look back. I look back fondly. I look back with a bit of melancholy. I went off to Duke to pursue “bigger things”, then headed to Atlanta to experience the big city (albeit too afraid to leave the comfort of the southeast), and now I am living the suburban life in Plano, Texas (Dallas). (I shuttle kids to and from soccer practice, but at least I avoided the mini-van.)
I am proud of where I came from. It made me who I am today. Though simple and slow, life in South Carolina in the 70’s and 80’s surrounded by the people in my life gave me something. It gave me a belief in others. It gave me a perspective that allows me today to give everyone a chance, to not judge too quickly, to show compassion, to help, to understand that hard work is rewarded. It taught me the lessons, both good and bad that I have built on year after year.
So who am I? What did I become? What great things did I do? Nothing that will make the history books..
I will not cure cancer. I will not ensure world peace. I will not feed all the starving children. I will not travel in space. I will not play in the World Cup. I will not write a best seller (though one day I may get around to trying). But….one of my students might. One of my children might. I am a teacher and a father. I strive only to be a good and thoughtful person. I strive to be honest, kind, and trustworthy. At times I fail in even these modest goals.
I have accomplished some things. I was a collegiate wrestler but not a very successful one. I received my degree in neuroscience from Duke, but have not really put that knowledge to use. I married, have two great kids, got divorced, remarried and now have two great step-daughters. I have coached state championship soccer teams and taught hundreds of eager minds in AP Biology and AP Psychology classes. I have made great friends and recently lived a dream of playing cards against the best. But I’m not done. I think there is more in front of me.
With all of the insecurities, with all of the self-doubt, with all of the expectations, I still have promise. I don’t know what it is, but maybe when my 40th high school reunion comes around I’ll have tales to tell.
I hope that anyone who reads this entry will leave a comment. Maybe your thoughts on reunions, going home, living up to expectations, or redefining what is success. Any and all are welcome. Next week I hope to reflect on things post reunion event. Thanks for reading.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Reflections on Poker and Las Vegas.
I’ll start by saying I thoroughly enjoy poker. I have been playing for almost seven years. I find it a fascinating mixture of mathematics and psychology. When you study and employ the skills required to make this game of cards much more than about the cards, you begin to see layers upon layers of thought process. Then you add the thrill of the gamble when skill must give way the randomness of the cards and it is a terribly interesting endeavor. It’s like being engaged in mental warfare. Beginning poker players focus on their own cards. Then they learn to consider their opponent’s cards. Intermediate players begin to consider what their opponent thinks their cards are. Advanced players start to consider what their opponent thinks they think their opponents’ cards are. I know that you know that I know that you know……
Poker is a game of personalities as much as it is a game of mathematical reality. In a game of partial information, and intentional misinformation, the task is to find the right balance of aggressiveness, cunning, and discretion. Making the big fold may not be as rewarding as making the big call, but in the long run of a major tournament, it is how you get deep. Poker is a game of observations. From the moment you sit down at the table you are sizing up your opponents and trying to get a feel for who they are and what they are doing. You cannot go into a table with a set game plan. You must go in with multiple game plans and then adjust to what your opponents are doing. The optimal strategy changes by the moment. The most successful players are those that most quickly adjust and most quickly realized when their opponents have adjusted and then readjust. On many levels human behavior is relatively predictable. You just have to know what to look for.
Poker is a social game, and in a social context there is much more information to gained by listening rather than talking. I observed so much in the early stages of the tournament as there were many amateurs and quasi-pros in the field. They talked too much. They discussed hands after they played out. They tried to show off how much they knew about the game. The whole time I am taking notes. How did they think about the hand? What was their analysis? I just nodded and agreed with them. Later as the day went on I confirmed my mental notes with behaviors and decisions I saw them making. Once I had a good read on them I knew how to exploit their thinking. I was surprised by how much people were willing to give away. Even some of the so-called Pros, seemed oblivious to how much information they were giving away.
Poker is an everyman/woman “sport.” There seem to be no boundaries to the types of people who like to play. For me, one the most interesting things about playing poker is that often you are sitting around a table with eight other people that you would never have an excuse to sit down with. And then you learn about them. This is my laboratory for observing human behavior. Here are some generalities I gleaned. There are a LOT of very good, very young players. These kids have studied the game at a mathematical level that I vaguely understand. As they discuss these concepts I know enough to follow the conversation, but I haven’t done near the work they have in this type of analysis. To hear them talk about hand ranges, equity, fold equity, implied odds and such is awesome. I learned so much just by listening to them talk to each other during breaks. Sometimes, however, they seemed to lose sight of the person they were playing against. You could see their minds at work doing complex mathematical calculations when making their decisions. Sometimes it was amazing how they “figured” out the best solution. And most the time they were correct. But when they were wrong it seemed to be because they failed to recognize that the player in the hand with them was not making decisions based on the mathematical realities, but instead were just playing. They were not observing the human side of the game.
Some of these young players were very personable and down to earth. Others were very arrogant. The down to earth ones made it to day 5 and 6 (and further). The arrogant ones seemed to find their way to the rail. It takes a great deal of humility to be a good poker player. You have to be willing to get outplayed from time to time. You will get bluffed and you will make bad calls. I felt like some of these kids felt they should win every hand. Arrogance seemed to be punished over and over. I think it gets in the way of the type of analysis that goes into playing each hand.
There were some pretty bad older dudes playing in this tournament. (I say this as a 38 year old that was often one of the oldest players at my table) Mostly these were guys older than 40 (usually nearer to 50 or older) who did not understand the math of the game and as a result were badly out played from time to time. They seemed unable to adjust to the ebb and flow of the game. They seemed to be offended by the aggressive play of the young players. They felt they had to stand up to them and often did at just the wrong time.
Most players were very nice, but those who did not seem very nice, didn’t seem to stay around very long.
Observation, Most people are not patient. The WSOP main event has a very slow structure. There is no need to be in a rush. You cannot win the tournament on the first day, but you can lose it on the first day. It is easy to feel you are in bad shape when others at your table have more chips than you, but there is so much time that you can be patient, establish an image, wait for cards, play in position and exploit your image. This played into my strengths.
Playing live for 8-12 hours at a time takes an enormous amount of energy and focus. My attention and skill set increased each day. At the end of every day I was mentally exhausted. While mentally exhausting, the hours of relative physical inactivity are painful. I lost five pounds while in Las Vegas because I was too nervous to eat. I kept my energy level high with liquid meal supplements. I worked out in the Rio Fitness center three times, but it was lame compared to the exercise I was used to getting. Poker players need to combat this sedentary lifestyle with a disciplined workout routine.
It was very interesting talking to and listening to the “pros” discuss how they make their livelihood. Most of these guys are not rolling in cash. In fact, most of them are in what is called “make-up.” They have backers who pay their entry fees and received percentages of their winnings. If they fail to cash in the tournament they go into “make-up.” Basically meaning they owe. The next time they win, money goes towards make-up before they receive any payments. Does any one else see a problem with this? At my table late on day 5, the discussion was who was deepest in make up. One guy said, “I have to get 90th in this tournament just to get out of make-up.” The next guy says, “that’s nothing; I am 150 deep” (that means 150,000 dollars). Adam Levy (one of the top young pros) then laughed and then said, “I win, 250,” smiling the whole time. I asked him. “How does that work? How do you make a living and pay your expenses?” He said, “Oh, I have all of my own cash game action and all my endorsement money is separate from my backing deal.” It still seems baffling to me. These guys just seem to have very little regard for the value of a dollar.
I do not endorse anyone trying to play poker for a living. These young kids who are using poker as their sole source of income are in a unique position. They have no other responsibilities. They can afford to go broke and often do. When they do go broke, they borrow some money and start over again. I had a long discussion with a 23 year-old college graduate who was a fulltime poker player. I asked him how this happens. He says he and most of his friends are terrible at bankroll management. The variance in tournament poker is huge. In cash games the income is more consistent, but most payers play above their bankroll. If they run bad for a while they get into trouble. Furthermore, he said they often have what he called “life leaks.” They over spend away from the tables. Living life in and around casinos gets expensive. Travel expenses and bar tabs add up. He said he was having a good year after getting out of make up. I asked him if was siphoning off any of his poker money into other investments or savings; if he was building a non-poker side of his personal finances? He looked at me and asked, “Have you been talking to my father?”
“No,” I replied, “but I am a father.” Anyway these kids are very intelligent and most have a solid idea of what they are doing and what mistakes they are making. They are not terribly careless and they are certainly not delusional. They understand their strengths and weaknesses. It is not that glamorous of a lifestyle. With that said, I am certain I could make a living playing poker if I wanted to put in the work. I am very conservative with my bankroll and I keep my poker economy separate from my real economy. But for now I see this a pastime that can supplement my income.
I do not endorse or suggest that anyone should gamble. I always say you can only play with money you can afford to lose. I do think however, card games are healthy pastimes. I grew up playing cards games like hearts, spades, gin rummy and occasionally poker. These are fun family times and I believe they help develop certain strategic thinking. In his book, Cowboys Full: The Story of Poker, Jim McManus discusses the history of poker and how poker has played a role in the history and politics of America.
For those who want to geek it up and follow me through my thinking on some specific hands and at specific spots during the tournament click here. I also give some background on how I started playing poker.
Non- Poker Vegas Observations
Slots seem really boring and somewhat depressing. I did not see one person playing slots who looked happy.
Too many people still smoke.
There are a lot of low paying jobs in Las Vegas.
There are a lot of talented people in Las Vegas. We saw two shows and I was impressed with both the talent on stage and the talent behind the scenes to produce these shows.
Red Rock Canyon is very interesting but very very hot mid-day in July. Mt Charleston would have been better hiking (next year).
Vegas must one of the top ten places in the world for “people watching.” The clientele downtown is very different than the clientele on the strip.
Too many people bring their kids to Vegas. I know the big corporations who own Vegas try to sell Vegas as family friendly, but I don’t think it is. Vegas is a huge money suck. It is hedonistic, capitalistic, hot, not pedestrian friendly, and ….
Vegas is a place where adults who know what they are in for can go and spend their money. Period. It exists for no other reason than to entertain. The shows are great, they tell me the food is good (I not much of a fine food connoisseur), the gambling is fun, the sights are interesting, but it is not quality family time. Building sand castles at the beach is family fun. Covering your kids’ eyes from the trucks on the strip advertizing “Girls in 15 minutes” and “all nude” is not family fun. Yet everywhere I turned I saw people with their kids (and late at night too – what are they thinking?) I think the Freemont street light show, the pools, and possibly some shows are the only thing my kids would enjoy in Las Vegas. (We saw the Cirque du Soliel – Beetles Love at the Mirage and they would like all the acrobatics – it was an awesome show). Outside of Vegas, Red Rock Canyon and Mt Charleston are nice outings if it is not too hot. And I think the Hoover Dam and Grand Canyon excursions would be cool for kids.
When we set out for Vegas, Lori wasn’t very interested in gambling. She had never played blackjack, craps, or any of the other games. And believe it or not, I am not what I would consider a big risk taker. (I know that sounds weird coming from a poker player) But I like to play blackjack and I like to play craps. I feel if you understand the basic strategies you can lose your money to the casino slowly thus stretching your entertainment dollar. Well I am happy to report (maybe I shouldn’t be), that Lori likes to roll the dice and we did very well at the craps table (enough to go to two shows and pay for more than a few meals). Even though we kept the bets small. I broke even playing Blackjack. We found one slots type machine that we liked (it was “deal or no deal” where you picked your suitcase and then played the game).
I lost a bit in my first and most likely last foray into sports betting. We were in Vegas for the finale of the World Cup. As a soccer coach it was very cool to be somewhere with a big crowd to watch the biggest single sporting event. My son Declan had been doing a great job of predicting the winners of the games during the month long tournament. So I called him and asked him who would win and what the score would be. Now, I believe Declan went with his heart over his brain on this pick, but his coach is a Dutchman, so he was pulling for Holland. So we went to Caesar’s Palace Sunday morning to watch the game. I went to the Sports Book and made my first ever sports bet. I put a whopping $20 on Holland and another $10 on the score 2-1. The guy at the ticket counter said, “You are really picking against the octopus? You know the Octopus has moved the line?”
I replied, “that makes this a better odds bet, and besides, I have a monkey at home that said Holland would win.”
He said, “You have a monkey?”
“Yes, his name is Declan.” Bye bye $30. Oh well the best team won.
I did fit in one short session of poker outside of the WSOP. I sat for two hours in the Rio poker room and played in a $1/2 cash game and made a quick $230 (sometimes poker is easy).
Gambling is fun when losing money doesn’t hurt. What makes gambling fun is the prospect of winning. But it should be pretty obvious that Vegas wouldn’t exist if the house didn’t win. So you have to treat the gambling money as an entertainment expense. You have to be willing to lose the money. If you win a bit then that’s great, take it and use it to go see a show. That’s what Lori and I did. In the long run the house always wins.
Last observation - Some people should never gamble.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
The Perils of Praise
A colleague of mine sent me a very interesting article from the New York Magazine entitled
I read it and had the following reaction; Oh Great! So now I am not allowed to tell my kids they are smart! I already had to stop telling my daughter she was pretty. Now this. Uhhggg!!!! Actually that was only part of my response because on the other hand I was fascinated. How can praise be a bad thing? What is the psychology behind this phenomenon?
So here is the back-story of why I stopped telling Raye she was pretty.
On my daughter Raye's first day of Kindergarten I was a typical nervous dad. The moment I picked her up from school, I wanted to hear how everything went. The conversation went something like this, "So Raye how was it?"
"Fine."
"Did you make any friends?"
"Not really."
"Well, did you play on the play ground?"
"Yes."
"Well, who did you play with?"
"No one really."
At this point, I worried. What is wrong? Why isn't she making friends? Is she going to be the kid with no friends? Remember, this is day one, and this is my first baby. My sweet baby girl.
"Raye why didn't you play with anyone?"
"I couldn't decide who was prettiest."
"Ahhh...... What?!!!"
"I couldn't decide who was prettiest."
Explosions are going off inside my head. What is going on here? How is it that my sweet thoughtful daughter is so shallow on her first day of school? Isn't this kind of shallow thinking supposed to develop in middle school and crystallize in high school only to be reconciled in adulthood? How has my sweet innocent daughter already been socialized to value looks over substance? This must be television's fault? Did I miss the Wiggles episode where you only play with good-looking people? Did Arthur the aardvark avoid the awkward aardvark? (Sorry for the unnecessary alliteration) Or have I been teaching my daughter to value people's attractiveness? Is this my fault? I had a lot to think about.
And here is what I came up with. First of all, my daughter is beautiful. (Of course she is…look at me) From the day she was born she has been told how pretty she is. Strangers would stop me in the mall to tell me how pretty my daughter was. I would start most every day saying something like, “Raye you look so pretty today.” Raye heard the word “pretty” and equated it with “good.” As a psychology teacher I should know better. Words are powerful. And to a very young child the meanings of words are learned through context. In her mind “pretty” equals “good.”
From that day forward I stopped telling my daughter that she was pretty. That sounds harsh doesn’t it? Instead I would say, “Raye, you look so ‘nice’ today.” See what I did there? And that evening Raye and I had a discussion about beauty. We talked about what makes a person beautiful. We talked about kindness. And while I felt like I was teaching her a very important life lesson, it turns out she already understood; as children inherently do.
Her best little friend in her kindergarten class was the girl who was kind to her. To Raye, this little girl was beautiful. Now, I am going to be a little mean in order to make my point. The little girl who Raye was best friends with, who she would describe as beautiful, was an awkward looking child. By shallow, physical appearance standards, she was unusual looking. But to Raye she was pretty. I didn’t have to explain to Raye this young girl’s beauty. She understood. And she wasn’t being shallow that first day. She was using language, as she understood it. But I did worry that if we didn’t start to use different words, if we didn’t have some conversations, that as she grew older and understood that society does value outward appearance, that she might develop some misconceptions. So every night I tuck her into bed I ask her, “Raye, what is beauty?”
And she replies, “Beauty is kindness.”
If you walk up to Raye now as an 11-year old and ask her what beauty is she will tell you, “Beauty is Kindness.” And she knows because she is beautiful. And pretty too, just don’t tell her that, but wow, she sure did look nice when she left the house this morning.
This article, about the inverse power of praise, specifically talks about praising intelligence. I came to understand the danger of telling my daughter she was pretty, but I thought I was safe telling both of my kids how smart they are. I want to them to know they are capable and competent. Shouldn’t that be okay? We try to build our kids up. We have to build their self-esteem, right? (That’s why everybody gets a trophy at the end of the season – a whole other rant).
From the article:
“Giving kids the label of “smart” does not prevent them from underperforming. It might actually be causing it.”
No!!!! How have I managed to mess this up? Being a parent is hard. Being a parent who also teaches psychology is enough to create constant worry that everything I do is going to cause life-long psychological damage. I know just enough to be dangerous.
The article reports on studies done by Carol Dweck of Columbia University (now at Stanford) that examine the effects of telling kids they are smart, on their persistence and performance on difficult tasks.
It turns out students, who have been told they are smart, shy away from tasks where they might fail. They fear taking risks. They have learned the reinforcing power of praise: “I do well - the teacher (or parent) is pleased - tells me I am smart - smart = good.” However, these children have also learned to fear opening themselves up to any ridicule or doubt of that inherent intellect. They don’t want to risk losing that label of “smart.” So when my son stresses over a word problem and I try to be reassuring by saying, “You can do it Declan, you’re so smart”; I am creating a situation which in his mind sounds like this, “If people are smart then they can do this. I am having trouble with this, therefore, I must not be smart. If I’m not smart then I must be dumb. Dumb = bad”
Dweck’s study, referenced in the article, explains how a group of students are given a test of puzzles on which they all should perform well. The students are then given a single line of praise for their strong performance. They are either told, “You must be very intelligent” or “You must have worked very hard on this.” That’s it. Just that one line of praise was enough to produce very significant differences.
Subsequently, the students are given a choice for the next round of tests. They can choose a test that will be harder but from which they are told they will learn a lot, or they can take a test as easy as the first one. 90% of the students who had been praised for their effort choose the harder test. A majority of the kids praised for their intellect wimped out and opted for the easy test. They want nothing to do with jeopardizing their “smart” status.
In a second version of the experiment the students were not given a choice for the second set of tests. They were all given a much more difficult test. A test they were all sure to struggle with. The two different praise groups responded differently. The “effort” praise group explained their failure to be the result of not trying hard enough. They were more persistent and remarked that they liked the test. The “intellect” praise group attributed their failure to the fact that they weren’t that smart after all. They gave up and experienced more distress.
They followed this second round of tests (this forced failure) with a third round of tests that were on the same level as the original test. And now comes the most profound effect; the “effort” praise group showed a marked improvement from their original test (approx. 30%), while the “intellect” praise group underperformed by nearly 20%.
So what is going on here? What is the basis of this difference? What are we praising when we praise “smarts?” We are inferring that intellect is something you possess, something you inherently are. It is not something you can control. Whereas, with “effort” you are giving the kids something that is in their control. When faced with failure the “effort” group sees a solution – harder work.
Dweck remarks, and I can confirm, that smart kids discount effort. I get to teach the “smart” kids – as I only teach the Advanced Placement courses. All of my students are above average. They feel if they are smart then they don’t have to put forth effort. They eschew studying. They avoid real thinking. They want to know what they need to know and then they want to give that back to me. My task is to challenge them to figure out what they need to know. It is my challenge to make them uncomfortable so that they have to employ effort and not rely on their innate giftedness. Otherwise they will not develop the skills to cope when things are truly difficult.
I have “smart” students who won’t admit to studying. It is almost as if they see it as a sign of weakness to admit that they had to put in the effort and struggle. I am making some progress, and I have some students who are great workers. They are grinders who have experienced success and failure in very difficult and fast paced courses through brute force of effort. I know that they are not always successful in the immediate endeavor, but I am confident that they will be successful in the endeavors they will face in their future.
Which brings me back to how I have adversely affected my own children by telling them they were smart. After I read this article, I panicked and worried how to undo the damage. So I went into over-reaction mode. As I picked Raye and Declan up from school that day the conversation went like this, “So Raye, how was school today?”
“Fine. We had a test in math.”
“Oh? How did you do?”
“Good. It was easy.”
“Was it easy because you are so naturally gifted in math or because you worked hard? You know it is always important to work hard.”
At this moment my daughter quickly understands what I am after and says with a knowing sigh, “Because I worked hard.”
Translation – “If I answer what you want to hear will this interrogation stop?”
So I move onto Declan. “Declan how was your day?”
“Good.”
“Did you learn anything new?”
“No.”
“Why not? A whole day at school and you didn’t learn anything?’
“I already knew it all.”
This one is going to be my problem kid.
“Did you know it all because you are just ‘smart’ or because you studied hard?”
“I’m just smart.”
I have my work cut out for me.
But I will say that I have been working hard to discuss what happens when things do get hard. And my kids have struggled at times with various things. We have developed a script where I ask them, “What do we do when it gets hard?”
And they reply, “We work harder.”
It’s the Savage way.
One last thing- I have given a bit of the details of the article, but I strongly encourage you to read it for yourself. There is so much great information here. How Not To Talk To Your Kids
And please leave me feedback in the comments.
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