The Perils of Praise

A colleague of mine sent me a very interesting article from the New York Magazine entitled

"How Not to Talk to Your Kids - The inverse power of praise."  By Po Bronson.  

I read it and had the following reaction; Oh Great! So now I am not allowed to tell my kids they are smart!  I already had to stop telling my daughter she was pretty.  Now this. Uhhggg!!!!  Actually that was only part of my response because on the other hand I was fascinated.  How can praise be a bad thing?  What is the psychology behind this phenomenon?

So here is the back-story of why I stopped telling Raye she was pretty.

On my daughter Raye's first day of Kindergarten I was a typical nervous dad.  The moment I picked her up from school, I wanted to hear how everything went.  The conversation went something like this, "So Raye how was it?"

"Fine."

"Did you make any friends?"

"Not really."

"Well, did you play on the play ground?"

"Yes."

"Well, who did you play with?"

"No one really."

At this point, I worried.  What is wrong?  Why isn't she making friends?  Is she going to be the kid with no friends?  Remember, this is day one, and this is my first baby.  My sweet baby girl.

"Raye why didn't you play with anyone?"

"I couldn't decide who was prettiest."

"Ahhh...... What?!!!"

"I couldn't decide who was prettiest."

Explosions are going off inside my head.  What is going on here? How is it that my sweet thoughtful daughter is so shallow on her first day of school?  Isn't this kind of shallow thinking supposed to develop in middle school and crystallize in high school only to be reconciled in adulthood?  How has my sweet innocent daughter already been socialized to value looks over substance? This must be television's fault?  Did I miss the Wiggles episode where you only play with good-looking people?   Did Arthur the aardvark avoid the awkward aardvark?  (Sorry for the unnecessary alliteration)  Or have I been teaching my daughter to value people's attractiveness?  Is this my fault?  I had a lot to think about.

And here is what I came up with.  First of all, my daughter is beautiful.  (Of course she is…look at me)  From the day she was born she has been told how pretty she is.  Strangers would stop me in the mall to tell me how pretty my daughter was.  I would start most every day saying something like, “Raye you look so pretty today.”  Raye heard the word “pretty” and equated it with “good.”  As a psychology teacher I should know better.  Words are powerful.  And to a very young child the meanings of words are learned through context.  In her mind “pretty” equals “good.” 

From that day forward I stopped telling my daughter that she was pretty.  That sounds harsh doesn’t it?  Instead I would say, “Raye, you look so ‘nice’ today.”  See what I did there?  And that evening Raye and I had a discussion about beauty.  We talked about what makes a person beautiful.  We talked about kindness.  And while I felt like I was teaching her a very important life lesson, it turns out she already understood; as children inherently do. 

Her best little friend in her kindergarten class was the girl who was kind to her.  To Raye, this little girl was beautiful.  Now, I am going to be a little mean in order to make my point.  The little girl who Raye was best friends with, who she would describe as beautiful, was an awkward looking child.  By shallow, physical appearance standards, she was unusual looking.  But to Raye she was pretty.  I didn’t have to explain to Raye this young girl’s beauty.  She understood.  And she wasn’t being shallow that first day.  She was using language, as she understood it.  But I did worry that if we didn’t start to use different words, if we didn’t have some conversations, that as she grew older and understood that society does value outward appearance, that she might develop some misconceptions.  So every night I tuck her into bed I ask her, “Raye, what is beauty?” 

And she replies, “Beauty is kindness.”

If you walk up to Raye now as an 11-year old and ask her what beauty is she will tell you, “Beauty is Kindness.”  And she knows because she is beautiful.  And pretty too, just don’t tell her that, but wow, she sure did look nice when she left the house this morning.

This article, about the inverse power of praise, specifically talks about praising intelligence.  I came to understand the danger of telling my daughter she was pretty, but I thought I was safe telling both of my kids how smart they are.  I want to them to know they are capable and competent. Shouldn’t that be okay?   We try to build our kids up.  We have to build their self-esteem, right? (That’s why everybody gets a trophy at the end of the season – a whole other rant). 

From the article:

“Giving kids the label of “smart” does not prevent them from underperforming. It might actually be causing it.”

No!!!!  How have I managed to mess this up?  Being a parent is hard.  Being a parent who also teaches psychology is enough to create constant worry that everything I do is going to cause life-long psychological damage.  I know just enough to be dangerous.

The article reports on studies done by Carol Dweck of Columbia University (now at Stanford) that examine the effects of telling kids they are smart, on their persistence and performance on difficult tasks. 

It turns out students, who have been told they are smart, shy away from tasks where they might fail.  They fear taking risks.  They have learned the reinforcing power of praise:  “I do well - the teacher (or parent) is pleased - tells me I am smart - smart = good.”  However, these children have also learned to fear opening themselves up to any ridicule or doubt of that inherent intellect.  They don’t want to risk losing that label of “smart.” So when my son stresses over a word problem and I try to be reassuring by saying, “You can do it Declan, you’re so smart”;  I am creating a situation which in his mind sounds like this, “If people are smart then they can do this.  I am having trouble with this, therefore, I must not be smart. If I’m not smart then I must be dumb.  Dumb = bad”

Dweck’s study, referenced in the article, explains how a group of students are given a test of puzzles on which they all should perform well.  The students are then given a single line of praise for their strong performance.  They are either told, “You must be very intelligent” or “You must have worked very hard on this.”  That’s it.  Just that one line of praise was enough to produce very significant differences.

Subsequently, the students are given a choice for the next round of tests.  They can choose a test that will be harder but from which they are told they will learn a lot, or they can take a test as easy as the first one.  90% of the students who had been praised for their effort choose the harder test.  A majority of the kids praised for their intellect wimped out and opted for the easy test.  They want nothing to do with jeopardizing their “smart” status. 

In a second version of the experiment the students were not given a choice for the second set of tests.  They were all given a much more difficult test.  A test they were all sure to struggle with.  The two different praise groups responded differently.  The “effort” praise group explained their failure to be the result of not trying hard enough.  They were more persistent and remarked that they liked the test.  The “intellect” praise group attributed their failure to the fact that they weren’t that smart after all.  They gave up and experienced more distress. 

They followed this second round of tests (this forced failure) with a third round of tests that were on the same level as the original test.  And now comes the most profound effect; the “effort” praise group showed a marked improvement from their original test (approx. 30%), while the “intellect” praise group underperformed by nearly 20%.

So what is going on here?  What is the basis of this difference?  What are we praising when we praise “smarts?”  We are inferring that intellect is something you possess, something you inherently are.  It is not something you can control.  Whereas, with “effort” you are giving the kids something that is in their control.  When faced with failure the “effort” group sees a solution – harder work.

Dweck remarks, and I can confirm, that smart kids discount effort. I get to teach the “smart” kids – as I only teach the Advanced Placement courses.  All of my students are above average.  They feel if they are smart then they don’t have to put forth effort.  They eschew studying.  They avoid real thinking.  They want to know what they need to know and then they want to give that back to me.  My task is to challenge them to figure out what they need to know.  It is my challenge to make them uncomfortable so that they have to employ effort and not rely on their innate giftedness.  Otherwise they will not develop the skills to cope when things are truly difficult.

I have “smart” students who won’t admit to studying.  It is almost as if they see it as a sign of weakness to admit that they had to put in the effort and struggle.  I am making some progress, and I have some students who are great workers.  They are grinders who have experienced success and failure in very difficult and fast paced courses through brute force of effort.  I know that they are not always successful in the immediate endeavor, but I am confident that they will be successful in the endeavors they will face in their future.

Which brings me back to how I have adversely affected my own children by telling them they were smart.  After I read this article, I panicked and worried how to undo the damage.  So I went into over-reaction mode.  As I picked Raye and Declan up from school that day the conversation went like this, “So Raye, how was school today?”

“Fine.  We had a test in math.”

“Oh? How did you do?”

“Good.  It was easy.”

“Was it easy because you are so naturally gifted in math or because you worked hard?  You know it is always important to work hard.”

At this moment my daughter quickly understands what I am after and says with a knowing sigh, “Because I worked hard.”

Translation – “If I answer what you want to hear will this interrogation stop?”

So I move onto Declan.  “Declan how was your day?”

“Good.”

“Did you learn anything new?”

“No.”

“Why not?  A whole day at school and you didn’t learn anything?’

“I already knew it all.” 

This one is going to be my problem kid.

“Did you know it all because you are just ‘smart’ or because you studied hard?”

“I’m just smart.”

I have my work cut out for me. 

But I will say that I have been working hard to discuss what happens when things do get hard.  And my kids have struggled at times with various things.  We have developed a script where I ask them, “What do we do when it gets hard?”

And they reply, “We work harder.”

It’s the Savage way.

One last thing- I have given a bit of the details of the article, but I strongly encourage you to read it for yourself.  There is so much great information here.  How Not To Talk To Your Kids

And please leave me feedback in the comments.

What Can Adults Learn From Kids?

A while back I received a Twitter from our Head of School recommending A TED talk titled "What adults can learn from kids" given by Adora Svitak.  As you can tell I love these TED talks, but before I rushed to watch it I thought I would take a stab at answering the question.  So I looked into my past to try to remember things from my own childhood, but I also looked to my own children and their friends.

I realized that I could come up with a long list but decided to mention just a few and hope that you will add to my list by writing a comment below.

I think adults can learn the following things from kids.

To be INQUISITIVE - anyone who has been around kids much can tell you one of a kid's favorite words is "Why?  For example:

"Daddy, why do mushrooms grow up from this dead log?'
Well, the mushroom is feeding off of the log.
"Why?"
Because mushrooms can't make their own food.
"Why?"
Because mushrooms are not photosynthetic like plants.  They have to feed like animals?
"Why?"
Because they are heterotrophic.
"Dad, why do you have to always use big science words like hedaroo bofic?"


To be PLAYFUL - Children play and children are playful.  Adults would be well served to observe.  Here's the recipe to create play.  Put a group of kids in a room together then leave them alone.  They will be silly, they will pretend, they won't be shy. 

To be AUTHENTIC - real, open with their feelings.  Kids don't hide how they feel.  They don't put up walls.  What you see is what you get for better or for worse.  I know that as a teacher in order for me to be effective I have to be authentic.  I have to be myself and let my students see my faults as well as my strengths.  For adults this is often difficult. For kids its the default setting

To be ACCEPTING (but not tolerant) - my fifteen year old step-daughter Emily recently started a facebook group called "Please stop using the word retarded."(please visit and become a fan)  She is taking a stand against the use of the "R-word" as an insult because of the insensitivity to people with differences.  She has worked with special needs students at her school and has developed a great understanding of the value of all types of people. At the same time she's become more and more aware of the way words can hurt when people forget the impact of those words.  She has decided it's not right and she isn't going to tolerate it.  For the last few years I have been on mission to eliminate the phrase "that's so gay" from the  lexicon of the teenagers I work with.  

I do not accept them using this phrase or any other that is derogatory towards people with different sexual orientation.  However, I have a sister who is classified as mildly retarded, and a cousin who is severely retarded and I was using the word retarded in the same derogatory way.  I have been known to say, "that's so retarded."  Until, Emily called me out on it and demanded that I stop.  She was right.  And I am now much more aware.  I am so proud that she is taking the initiative to teach others acceptance and that she refuses to stand by and tolerate other's insensitivity.  Adults can learn a lot from kids.  We just have to listen. 

To be FEARLESS - while we as humans seem predisposed to some fears, many fears are learned.  And while some of these are useful (as they keep us safe), many of our fears as adults paralyze us.  We fear failure most of all.  This is the fear I most want my kids to avoid.  Children, and at least young children have no fear of failure.  They will stay at a task that they have failed at if it is intrinsically motivating.  They take risks.


Well, there's my short list.  Now let's watch the video from TED and please leave a comment to add to my list,  What can adults learn from kids?

WOW!  I was not expecting that.  WOW! I hadn't watched the video until I had written the blog.  I had no Idea that the speaker was a child.  I figured it was going to be an educator or child psychologist telling us what children had to offer.  Instead I just witnessed the most articulate twelve-year-old on the planet.

I think the most important thing Miss. Svitak tells us is not to under estimate children.  Comments?

Class Derailed - An Impromptu Sex Ed Discussion

Often times in my AP Psychology class, we talk about some heavy themes. It is one of the reasons the course is open to seniors only. And often times we get a bit off topic; however if the participation is lively and we are thinking and learning it is okay if we go “off script.” Here is a paraphrasing of a class derailed.


We were discussing motivation and the primary drives that direct human behavior. We had talked extensively about the physiology and psychology of hunger in a prior class that got side tracked into a valuable discussion on eating disorders. So on tap for this particular class were other big issues that motivate human behavior: Sex, Belonging, and Achievement. Once I said “sex” I noticed students sitting up a bit straighter, more pens in hand, and a general increase in interest. Wow! With one magic word, I had “motivated” my students to engage in the learning process.


Human sexuality is a very complex issue. Not one that we can tackle in one class period. Furthermore, not all aspects of human sexuality are appropriate for a high school psychology course (even one that is delivering a college curriculum). That is why there are courses in human sexuality offered in college and a plethora of books written on the subject. Besides, that wasn't our goal for the day. We all agreed that humans engage in a great deal of behaviors that are directly or indirectly motivated by sex (or the possibility of sex - like buying flowers and lighting candles). In order to understand how sex motivates human behavior we needed to illuminate a few basic things about sex in humans. The first thing we did was make a comparison between humans and other animals. In many species of animals sexual behavior is dictated by changes in hormones levels. Meaning the animals won't even engage in sexually receptive or initiative behavior unless their hormone levels are in a certain range. These hormones cycles are influenced by environmental cues that give the animal accurate information about the time of the year. This ensures that offspring will be born in times of plenty - when there will be enough resources to sustain them. These animals "come into season" and engage in sexual behavior only to reproduce. To engage in sexual behavior at other times would be a waste of time and energy resources. So these animals are not "making the decision" to engage in sexual behavior, they are just playing out the role that their biology is dictating.


Throughout our study of human psychology we like to take an evolutionary approach to understanding a behavior. In other words, what evolutionary value does the behavior have? In many cases it is obvious that a behavior has evolutionary value. For example any behavior that allows you to gain nutrition makes sense. Any behavior that allows you not to be someone else's nutrition is valuable. Having fear of heights, snakes, and other dangerous things is adaptive. It aids in your survival and therefore is evolutionarily sound. But often this view of thinking does not so easily explain human behavior. (Example – Skydiving – it takes a pretty convoluted explanation to see the evolutionary value of risk taking). But what about sex?

How does sex benefit the individual? How does it aid in your survival? In the Darwinian understanding of fitness, surviving is only useful if it allows you to reproduce and pass along your genes. Therefore it is very obvious why sexual behavior is valuable to our species. But what about sexual behavior that is engaged in without the intent of reproduction? Is it valuable from an evolutionary standpoint? Since we are talking about the evolution of behavior we have to think of man in a more primitive time and place. In many ways it can be argued that as an individual is isn't advantageous. In fact, as an individual, sexual behavior not for reproduction is mal-adaptive. It costs energy and can be dangerous. The energy you spend engaging in sexual behavior could be spent finding food or building shelter. Furthermore while you are engaged in sex you are vulnerable to predators. You might not be on alert and ready to run from danger as you are somewhat preoccupied. And the possible result of engaging in sex can be detrimental to your own survival – more for females than males of course. The result may be a parasite that grows inside of you for 40 weeks robbing you of nutrients and making you slower and less likely to avoid predation. Then there are risks involved with the birth event itself. And then there is the child that you must spend time and resources feeding. And let's not forget sexually transmitted diseases. Sex is dangerous and decreases "your" chance of survival. Yet we engage in sexual behavior as humans for many reasons other than reproduction. Sex is still a primary motivator of behavior.


"So class, what can we learn from this?"


And here's where it came up.... the first inkling that this class was going to morph into a sex ed/ life lesson class and veer drastically from the plan. Had I gone too far?


A witty forward thinking female student answered, “What we can learn is that when that guy is pressuring you to have sex, saying he'll just die if he doesn't get it, he's misinformed. He won't die without sex, in fact his individual chances of survival may increase without sex.” Bravo!


An exasperated male student says, "But what about our species, our species depends upon sex for our survival! You have to appeal to her sense of duty to the human race!"

True. But it doesn't have to be you, and it doesn't have to be her and doesn't have to be at that moment. This is not some post apocalyptic movie where you are the last two humans on Earth. To which student replies, "At that moment it feels like it." Touche.

But sex is a very important human motive. We are driven to pursue it. It does energize us to act. We are driven to reproduce as are all living things. But even when we are not trying to reproduce, sex acts as a very strong motivator of behavior.


Trying to get back on track with psychology class:

Humans are not under the same hormonal control as other animals. They can (and do) engage in sexual behavior for other reasons rather than to reproduce. We engage in sexual behavior for pleasure, for recreation, to curry favor, to make amends, to gain power….(Turns out humans are not the only animals who do this. See: Dolphins and Bonobos.) It is true that sexual desire awakens at the onset of puberty as our hormones change and we go through the physical changes of adolescence. Our biology is telling us we are ready. We have the ability to cause or become pregnant. But are we really ready?

Here again is where class takes a turn. This time it was me that steered off track.

Are we 18 years plus of responsibility ready? Are we sexually transmitted disease ready? If not, why do we take the risk?

Anonymous student #1, "duh, because if feels good."

Anonymous student #2, "because we want to fit in and everyone else is doing it."

Great! a good segue way back to the topic of motivation - We are motivated to belong. Get this class back on track now!

Anonymous student #3, "Because we are curious teenagers that have been exposed to hyper sexualized imagery in the media since we saw Disney’s Aladdin and Little Mermaid, - Jasmine and Ariel - those babes were hot!"


We do live in a society and culture that has this strange dichotomy. On one hand we have hyper-sexualized our media. We use sex to sell everything. We are constantly bombarded with sexual imagery. On the other hand we have a culture that makes sex taboo. We don’t talk openly about it and it remains mysterious. Even more reason for teens to be curious and take risks.

At this point I knew the road we were going down and so I embraced it.

Teens are going to take risks, so we need to arm them with as much knowledge as possible. I know these students have had sex-ed before, but now, as seniors in high school with college looming, I need to talk to them seriously. Let me start with the obligatory statement - there is only one completely full proof form of safe sex - ABSTINIENCE. So I said abstinence a few times. “Abstinence, abstinence, abstinence.”

BTW - Abstinence ONLY education programs don't work. Ellen Goodman, a national columnist, offered this assessment of the entire abstinence-only education movement. Statistics say that this age demographic is not going to abstain.

If you chose to not abstain, then you need to understand that you are taking a risk. You are risking your life (slight hyperbole) and you are risking creating a life.


Anonymous student #4, "don't we risk our lives every time we get into a car?"


YES! And what do you do to decrease that risk? Seat belt!! Yes. So let's talk about birth control and disease prevention.


So I got out my soap-box (I had to explain the soap box reference to my class - where have all the street preachers gone?).


My single most important piece of advice on the subject, Never, ever, ever, let someone else be responsible for your birth control. Ever. That is not a responsibility you want to let fall to someone else. Why? Because people are irresponsible.


Situation #1 (for the boys) - You finally convinced a girl to have sex with you and she's ready and you are fumbling trying to get to the condom and she says, "It's okay, I'm on the pill." You say, “That's great we can be extra safe because I have a condom.” The reality is that while birth control pills are fairly effective they are not 100% and there is also the chance of user error. Let's be honest, this young lady is with you, can she really be all that smart? - Come on it’s a joke. But, I know guys who were told that she was on the pill who are now fathers.


Situation #2 (for the girls) - You decide he's the one and you are going to have sex with him and while you are waiting for him to get a condom he says, "But I thought you were on the pill." And you say, "I am, but do you trust me to have taken it regularly? Put on the condom before I change my mind." And he says, “Are you scared of catching something from me? I'm clean." To which you say, "Cool, but I wouldn't want you to catch anything from me. I would feel bad. Put on the condom."


Oh and by the way, how about this one? Guy says, "You know baby, it just doesn't feel as good with a condom." Well here is a useful mathematical reality about the pleasurability of sex.

without condom > with condom > no sex


With condom and no sex are on the menu - you choose.


You see, it is easy and my students know this. The reality is in a class of seventeen eighteen-year-olds many of them have already made the decision to have sex. And all of them will be faced with the decision more and more as they go through college and I just want them to be safe and emotionally ready to handle it. At least one of these kids will get a sexually transmitted disease and at least one will have an unplanned pregnancy before age 25. (I am being very conservative here based on the statistics.)


Check out these sobering statistics on STD's from the Centers of Disease Control (in Texas ages 15-24 by county). Here is anonther interesting link though I'm not sure about their sources and here is a more current article out of Wisconsin. And finally some more scare tactic stats.


So armed with this knowledge why won't my students heed my advice. When will they not think about the risks? I posed this question directly to my students. "When will you choose not to follow this sound advice? Ok not you in particular, but you as the hypothetical?"


Anonymous student #5- "When they have been drinking." BINGO!


-Sixty percent of college women diagnosed with a sexually transmitted disease were drunk at the time of infection. (Advocacy Institute, 1992)


And I don't want to turn this blog into a discussion of date rape - we have had that talk in psych class too. But most victims and most perpetrators of date rape are under the influence at the time of the assault.


So my second bit of sage advice re: "I know you are going to eventually engage in sexual behavior so please be aware" is:

The first time you are ever intimate with someone be sober. Avoid the casual hook-up. If you are in a relationship, once you decide you may want to be intimate make sure you are both sober. There are three important reasons for this. 1. You will make safer choices 2. It lessens the chance of misunderstandings about consent and free will and 3. It will be more enjoyable and meaningful.

Back to the lesson plan and now we are short on time.  We hadn't talked about the other topics I had on the schedule for that day. We still need to talk about society, media and cultures and how they impact sexual motivation. And we were going to discuss the biological basis of homosexuality and how gender identity disorders work, and how gender roles are learned, and how this all relates to the psychology of motivation.....


Oh well, another day where learning something got in the way of curriculum, or a typical Savage AP Psychology class.

To Lead or to Follow

To Lead or To Follow?

I want to start this morning by asking you a question. “Would you rather be a leader or a follower?” Of course most of you answer “leader” because leadership is what we celebrate and being a “follower” is weak right?

You’ve heard the quote, “if you’re not the lead dog, the view never changes.” Do you need a visual?

But is it important for everyone to be a leader? Can everyone be a leader? Would this team work if every dog needed to be in front?











Next question: What makes someone a leader? ....... How do you know if someone is a leader?

There are a lot of attempts to answer this question, and most of these attempts start by giving examples of the qualities or traits a good leader may possess. But I want a more concrete answer. What makes someone a leader? How do you know they are a leader?
The very concrete answer is that they have people that follow them. A leader is only a leader if they have followers. The leader without followers is just a person with an idea. Often a crazy idea, right? Something new, something unique. The leader does have to be (fill in the blank ___________) and courageous but what about the followers? More specifically what about the FIRST FOLLOWERS? Are they courageous? Hold that thought.

The inspiration for today’s talk was not of my own making. I watched a short video on the TED website where Derek Sivers uses an entertaining video to make some points about how to start a movement. (see below)



(http://sivers.org/ff)

Siver’s concludes with some lesson we can learn from this.
1. If you are the leader standing alone then remember the importance of embracing the first follower as an equal.
2. While leadership is important he is nothing without followers – those who have the courage to provide the social proof – the cues as to how others should act. He says it is the first follower that transforms the lone nut into a leader.

3. The first follower is an under-estimated form of leadership.

So when I ask the question, “Do you want to lead or to follow?” Let’s not dismiss the following so quickly. Let’s investigate. I want to look at this idea of the importance of followers using a few examples.


Leaders must Cultivate Followers

How about his? Who knows who George Whitefield is?

George Whitefield was Methodism’s first and most popular spokesman. Ben Franklin, one of Whitefield’s admirers, said of Whitefield public speaking prowess,

“Every accent, every emphasis, every modulation of voice was so perfectly well-tuned and well-placed, that, without being interested in the subject, one could not help being pleased with the discourse; a pleasure of much the same kind with that received from an excellent piece of music.”

Certainly Whitefield had some of the qualities of a leader, but was he a leader? Why is it then that the movement that he helped co-lead with John Wesley is known as the Wesleyan Revival and not the Whitefield Revival?

Adam Clark, an early historian of Methodism, suggests the reason was that Wesley cultivated followers. He established small groups to carry forward his work locally. He established churches. Wesley saw the necessity to put followers in place to lead; which, in turn, made him the leader. Whitefield did not and he admitted that in this he failed. Leaders must Cultivate Followers



Followers Get things Done – Followers are Doers
Jean Monnet is widely considered the father of European unity. He worked for more than 50 years on policies which eventually lead to the creation of the European Union though he never held an elected leadership position

In his Memoirs, Monnet observes that "People of ambition fall into two groups, there are those “who want to be someone” and those “who want to do something”

He writes:

“The main concern of many very remarkable people is to cut a figure and play a role. They are useful to society, where images are very important and the affirmation of character is essential to the administration of affairs. But, in general, it is the other kind of people who get things moving—those who spend their time looking for places and opportunities to influence the course of events. The places are not always the most obvious ones, nor do the opportunities occur when many people expect them.”

I have another question for you.
If I asked you who the father of American Independence was, who would you answer? Washington? Jefferson? Franklin?

What about John Adams? Why doesn’t Adam’s name come up first or more often? Before reading McCullough’s excellent biography of Adams, I too would have not thought of Adams. I would suggest that while Adams was a great leader, he was a better follower. He was the one who pushed Washington forward. He supported Jefferson in the writing of the constitution. He left his family and served the country abroad as an emissary for years at the behest of congress. If you study John Adams he was a loyal follower. He was more about the cause than he was about himself. Adams was a “doer.” Followers Get things Done – Followers are Doers


Good Followers Give Leaders feedback and direction
If I mention to you Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I have a dream” speech what does it make you think of? What was the tone? Uplifting? Inspirational? Positive? The“I have a dream” speech is famous because it put forward an inspiring, positive vision that at the same time carried a critique of the current situation. Imagine how history would have turned out had King given an “I have a nightmare” speech instead.

It turns out that he almost did. Apparently, as King stood up to speak that August 28th, 1963 before the Lincoln Memorial, he began an intended nightmare speech. Listen to the tone

“We’ve come to our nation’s capital to cash a check, but instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check that has come back marked “insufficient funds.”

He argued that it was fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment, that those who underestimated the movement’s power would have a “rude awakening.”

Those are pretty dark sentiments, yet we remember the speech as being uplifting, right?

Mahalia Jackson, a gospel singer, and devout follower of Dr. King sensed the negative dark tone the speech was taking. She was sitting on the podium behind King. She called out from behind King these words: “Tell them about your dream, Martin!” She had heard riffs of the dream speech to other audiences and she knew that King was headed down the wrong path. She cried out again, “Tell them about the dream.”

King heard her and seemed to hesitate, speaking as if to himself: “Let us not wallow in the valley of despair . . . I say to you my friend.” A soft applause from the tired audience gave him the chance to reorganized his thoughts. He then began a new speech,

“And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream.”

And what follows are some of the most uplifting and hopeful images of a better possibility.

Mahalia, the follower, nudged her leader in the right direction. Good Followers Give Leaders feedback and direction
(http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/18/books/chapters/chapter-kings-dream.html)


Sometimes the follower becomes the leader


William Wilberforce was the member of British Parliament that led the reforms to end the practice of slavery in the British Empire. One interesting thing to understand is that Wilberforce did not set out to be the leader. He was a follower. He became interested in a movement that others were leading in order to end this horrible practice. He believed in their work and became a follower. He asked how he could help. The leaders of the movement asked him to step to the front and use his position and resources as a member of the Parliament to move the cause forward.

Many timers a follower will be faced with a situation where they are asked to step forward and lead. If you are the follower will you be ready? Sometimes the follower becomes the leader


Following can be Dangerous

Let’s not forget that following can be dangerous too. We don’t want to follow for the wrong reasons. Please don’t mistake my message. I have a whole other homily in the works to warn against the danger of following. We don’t want to join in only because we feel that might be the only way to be cool. We don’t want to follow with blind obedience and full compliance or conformity. We only have to look at the atrocities perpetrated by evil regimes to see the dangers of this type of following. Ordinary people have been compelled to do evil things because of following in the wrong situation, an unjust cause. We only have to look at bullying in our own school and community to see the dangers in this type of following. In fact, this type of weak following may be one of the most dangerous things we can do. We need to be thoughtful. We need to be brave.

I’m no historian, nor am I a theologian, but I suspect that if you looked into any religious movement or any historic movement and you look past the leaders you will find some courageous first followers.
(Indian leader Mohandas Gandhi stick in hand walking

INDIA - JANUARY 01: Indian leader Mohandas Gandhi, stick in hand, walking with followers on the Salt March towards Dandi where they plan to break the salt laws passed by the English colonial rulers.
http://www.life.com/image/72385174)


At first glance, the words “courageous” and “follower” do not seem to belong together. Our culture does not view being a follower with respect. Everyone must develop their leadership potential. Right? Of course, developing leadership potential is good. But who will all these leaders lead? Followers, naturally. Therefore, as the other side of the same coin, followers also deserve respect. Lots of it if they perform their role well.
What can you do? Do you have to be the leader to show leadership? Follow – follow what you find to be just and worthy? Let you actions support your beliefs. Don’t under estimate the power you can have as a follower. Just make sure you are following the right person or cause. Find that “lone nut” with a good idea and have the courage to stand with them, to help cultivate other followers, showing them the right way to follow, be a doer, put the good of the cause before our own needs for recognition and give your leaders the right nudge from time to time.

Let me leave you with one last example of the importance of followers. This comes from one of the most famous rebellions of our recent past. See if you can spot the moment where the first follower transforms the lone nut into a leader. And leave me comments about other "Followers" who have made a big impact.