Class Derailed - An Impromptu Sex Ed Discussion

Often times in my AP Psychology class, we talk about some heavy themes. It is one of the reasons the course is open to seniors only. And often times we get a bit off topic; however if the participation is lively and we are thinking and learning it is okay if we go “off script.” Here is a paraphrasing of a class derailed.


We were discussing motivation and the primary drives that direct human behavior. We had talked extensively about the physiology and psychology of hunger in a prior class that got side tracked into a valuable discussion on eating disorders. So on tap for this particular class were other big issues that motivate human behavior: Sex, Belonging, and Achievement. Once I said “sex” I noticed students sitting up a bit straighter, more pens in hand, and a general increase in interest. Wow! With one magic word, I had “motivated” my students to engage in the learning process.


Human sexuality is a very complex issue. Not one that we can tackle in one class period. Furthermore, not all aspects of human sexuality are appropriate for a high school psychology course (even one that is delivering a college curriculum). That is why there are courses in human sexuality offered in college and a plethora of books written on the subject. Besides, that wasn't our goal for the day. We all agreed that humans engage in a great deal of behaviors that are directly or indirectly motivated by sex (or the possibility of sex - like buying flowers and lighting candles). In order to understand how sex motivates human behavior we needed to illuminate a few basic things about sex in humans. The first thing we did was make a comparison between humans and other animals. In many species of animals sexual behavior is dictated by changes in hormones levels. Meaning the animals won't even engage in sexually receptive or initiative behavior unless their hormone levels are in a certain range. These hormones cycles are influenced by environmental cues that give the animal accurate information about the time of the year. This ensures that offspring will be born in times of plenty - when there will be enough resources to sustain them. These animals "come into season" and engage in sexual behavior only to reproduce. To engage in sexual behavior at other times would be a waste of time and energy resources. So these animals are not "making the decision" to engage in sexual behavior, they are just playing out the role that their biology is dictating.


Throughout our study of human psychology we like to take an evolutionary approach to understanding a behavior. In other words, what evolutionary value does the behavior have? In many cases it is obvious that a behavior has evolutionary value. For example any behavior that allows you to gain nutrition makes sense. Any behavior that allows you not to be someone else's nutrition is valuable. Having fear of heights, snakes, and other dangerous things is adaptive. It aids in your survival and therefore is evolutionarily sound. But often this view of thinking does not so easily explain human behavior. (Example – Skydiving – it takes a pretty convoluted explanation to see the evolutionary value of risk taking). But what about sex?

How does sex benefit the individual? How does it aid in your survival? In the Darwinian understanding of fitness, surviving is only useful if it allows you to reproduce and pass along your genes. Therefore it is very obvious why sexual behavior is valuable to our species. But what about sexual behavior that is engaged in without the intent of reproduction? Is it valuable from an evolutionary standpoint? Since we are talking about the evolution of behavior we have to think of man in a more primitive time and place. In many ways it can be argued that as an individual is isn't advantageous. In fact, as an individual, sexual behavior not for reproduction is mal-adaptive. It costs energy and can be dangerous. The energy you spend engaging in sexual behavior could be spent finding food or building shelter. Furthermore while you are engaged in sex you are vulnerable to predators. You might not be on alert and ready to run from danger as you are somewhat preoccupied. And the possible result of engaging in sex can be detrimental to your own survival – more for females than males of course. The result may be a parasite that grows inside of you for 40 weeks robbing you of nutrients and making you slower and less likely to avoid predation. Then there are risks involved with the birth event itself. And then there is the child that you must spend time and resources feeding. And let's not forget sexually transmitted diseases. Sex is dangerous and decreases "your" chance of survival. Yet we engage in sexual behavior as humans for many reasons other than reproduction. Sex is still a primary motivator of behavior.


"So class, what can we learn from this?"


And here's where it came up.... the first inkling that this class was going to morph into a sex ed/ life lesson class and veer drastically from the plan. Had I gone too far?


A witty forward thinking female student answered, “What we can learn is that when that guy is pressuring you to have sex, saying he'll just die if he doesn't get it, he's misinformed. He won't die without sex, in fact his individual chances of survival may increase without sex.” Bravo!


An exasperated male student says, "But what about our species, our species depends upon sex for our survival! You have to appeal to her sense of duty to the human race!"

True. But it doesn't have to be you, and it doesn't have to be her and doesn't have to be at that moment. This is not some post apocalyptic movie where you are the last two humans on Earth. To which student replies, "At that moment it feels like it." Touche.

But sex is a very important human motive. We are driven to pursue it. It does energize us to act. We are driven to reproduce as are all living things. But even when we are not trying to reproduce, sex acts as a very strong motivator of behavior.


Trying to get back on track with psychology class:

Humans are not under the same hormonal control as other animals. They can (and do) engage in sexual behavior for other reasons rather than to reproduce. We engage in sexual behavior for pleasure, for recreation, to curry favor, to make amends, to gain power….(Turns out humans are not the only animals who do this. See: Dolphins and Bonobos.) It is true that sexual desire awakens at the onset of puberty as our hormones change and we go through the physical changes of adolescence. Our biology is telling us we are ready. We have the ability to cause or become pregnant. But are we really ready?

Here again is where class takes a turn. This time it was me that steered off track.

Are we 18 years plus of responsibility ready? Are we sexually transmitted disease ready? If not, why do we take the risk?

Anonymous student #1, "duh, because if feels good."

Anonymous student #2, "because we want to fit in and everyone else is doing it."

Great! a good segue way back to the topic of motivation - We are motivated to belong. Get this class back on track now!

Anonymous student #3, "Because we are curious teenagers that have been exposed to hyper sexualized imagery in the media since we saw Disney’s Aladdin and Little Mermaid, - Jasmine and Ariel - those babes were hot!"


We do live in a society and culture that has this strange dichotomy. On one hand we have hyper-sexualized our media. We use sex to sell everything. We are constantly bombarded with sexual imagery. On the other hand we have a culture that makes sex taboo. We don’t talk openly about it and it remains mysterious. Even more reason for teens to be curious and take risks.

At this point I knew the road we were going down and so I embraced it.

Teens are going to take risks, so we need to arm them with as much knowledge as possible. I know these students have had sex-ed before, but now, as seniors in high school with college looming, I need to talk to them seriously. Let me start with the obligatory statement - there is only one completely full proof form of safe sex - ABSTINIENCE. So I said abstinence a few times. “Abstinence, abstinence, abstinence.”

BTW - Abstinence ONLY education programs don't work. Ellen Goodman, a national columnist, offered this assessment of the entire abstinence-only education movement. Statistics say that this age demographic is not going to abstain.

If you chose to not abstain, then you need to understand that you are taking a risk. You are risking your life (slight hyperbole) and you are risking creating a life.


Anonymous student #4, "don't we risk our lives every time we get into a car?"


YES! And what do you do to decrease that risk? Seat belt!! Yes. So let's talk about birth control and disease prevention.


So I got out my soap-box (I had to explain the soap box reference to my class - where have all the street preachers gone?).


My single most important piece of advice on the subject, Never, ever, ever, let someone else be responsible for your birth control. Ever. That is not a responsibility you want to let fall to someone else. Why? Because people are irresponsible.


Situation #1 (for the boys) - You finally convinced a girl to have sex with you and she's ready and you are fumbling trying to get to the condom and she says, "It's okay, I'm on the pill." You say, “That's great we can be extra safe because I have a condom.” The reality is that while birth control pills are fairly effective they are not 100% and there is also the chance of user error. Let's be honest, this young lady is with you, can she really be all that smart? - Come on it’s a joke. But, I know guys who were told that she was on the pill who are now fathers.


Situation #2 (for the girls) - You decide he's the one and you are going to have sex with him and while you are waiting for him to get a condom he says, "But I thought you were on the pill." And you say, "I am, but do you trust me to have taken it regularly? Put on the condom before I change my mind." And he says, “Are you scared of catching something from me? I'm clean." To which you say, "Cool, but I wouldn't want you to catch anything from me. I would feel bad. Put on the condom."


Oh and by the way, how about this one? Guy says, "You know baby, it just doesn't feel as good with a condom." Well here is a useful mathematical reality about the pleasurability of sex.

without condom > with condom > no sex


With condom and no sex are on the menu - you choose.


You see, it is easy and my students know this. The reality is in a class of seventeen eighteen-year-olds many of them have already made the decision to have sex. And all of them will be faced with the decision more and more as they go through college and I just want them to be safe and emotionally ready to handle it. At least one of these kids will get a sexually transmitted disease and at least one will have an unplanned pregnancy before age 25. (I am being very conservative here based on the statistics.)


Check out these sobering statistics on STD's from the Centers of Disease Control (in Texas ages 15-24 by county). Here is anonther interesting link though I'm not sure about their sources and here is a more current article out of Wisconsin. And finally some more scare tactic stats.


So armed with this knowledge why won't my students heed my advice. When will they not think about the risks? I posed this question directly to my students. "When will you choose not to follow this sound advice? Ok not you in particular, but you as the hypothetical?"


Anonymous student #5- "When they have been drinking." BINGO!


-Sixty percent of college women diagnosed with a sexually transmitted disease were drunk at the time of infection. (Advocacy Institute, 1992)


And I don't want to turn this blog into a discussion of date rape - we have had that talk in psych class too. But most victims and most perpetrators of date rape are under the influence at the time of the assault.


So my second bit of sage advice re: "I know you are going to eventually engage in sexual behavior so please be aware" is:

The first time you are ever intimate with someone be sober. Avoid the casual hook-up. If you are in a relationship, once you decide you may want to be intimate make sure you are both sober. There are three important reasons for this. 1. You will make safer choices 2. It lessens the chance of misunderstandings about consent and free will and 3. It will be more enjoyable and meaningful.

Back to the lesson plan and now we are short on time.  We hadn't talked about the other topics I had on the schedule for that day. We still need to talk about society, media and cultures and how they impact sexual motivation. And we were going to discuss the biological basis of homosexuality and how gender identity disorders work, and how gender roles are learned, and how this all relates to the psychology of motivation.....


Oh well, another day where learning something got in the way of curriculum, or a typical Savage AP Psychology class.